It has certainly been a very difficult time for me and my family. For those of you really close to me, you know the true trials and pain my wife and I have been through. It is certainly not for the faint of heart and I cannot tell you in simple words as to how this experience has really changed me and hurt me all at the same time.
As a man, I can tell you this is something we typically do not discuss socially. And not just me as an individual, but as a people; this is something we typically shy away from due to uncomfortability.
I poured my heart out here in the podcast below with Kyle on “Dads and Angels.” My wife also has posted on her blogs on living with loss and I hope this is something we socially start talking about. Women and men should never have to suffer in silence nor be alone. There is support and love all around us and I fell the need to put out these positive vibes. I will NEVER move on. But I can and will move with. 👶🏻 ❤️
https://victoriaewhitehead.wixsite.com/victoria11wk/blog/life-after-loss
thoseconspicuousmillennials.com 
Hi Terrance. You may remember me from my days at MarketSource from 2005 to 2011. I did sales training.
This Saturday will mark 5 years since I last saw my only son alive. He died May 9, 2014.
He dropped us at the airport to fly home after a west coast visit Tyler was a successful architect working for a large international firm in San Francisco. Married 11 years with a 3 year old son of his own. He came home from work on a Friday, had dinner with his family, put his son to bed, hopped into the shower, collapsed and died. Almost 36 years old. No warnings. No health issues. 3 months later we learned that he had cardiac sarcoidosis – something we never heard of. Death by this autoimmune disease is extremely rare.
You’re right that the grief you are experiencing is paralyzing at times. It doesn’t go away, you only learn to live with it. In our church group dealing with life after loss we heard horror story after horror story. Whether the death was sudden or drawn out over time, the pain is the same.
I have no words of wisdom for you. I still sob, mostly on airplanes. It’s embarrassing and I hide my face.
If you want to witness the emotions you have by watching a movie, Will Smith stars in a film called Collateral Beauty. It’s a bit contrived but for people in our circumstance, it hits home.
I wish you peace and survival during the holidays – they can be brutal.
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I DO remember you; your name I know very well and even went to look you up just to make sure memory serves.
You already know NO WORDS ever help whatsoever. And I believe you are 💯 with pain being the same across the board. Life threw me a curve ball when I lost my youngest brother in 2012 and I made the call to my parents. My mom screamed a sound I never want to hear again. So I cannot imagine what you have felt and are feeling.
It takes courage to respond and reach out the way you did. I too cry on planes often as I reflect. The crazy part is there are many others carrying similar pain and yet we try to hide it. It really takes a man like yourself to acknowledge your emotions and although I wish you never did understand this sort of pain, you reaching out does add some comforting to me my friend.
I cannot express how much I appreciate you being vulnerable and I pray your family will have a great holiday season. How’s your Grandson?! Hope he is growing strong like your son and sees the love you have. ❤️
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BTW, I like that you shared and NOT your situation of pain to be clear.
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